Camping with the JLA
by Mr. BramStoker
Summary: Against Black Mask's wishes and much to the joy of everyone... except a certain grumpy pointed ear bat, Hippolyta drags the entire JLA out to the middle of nowhere for a 3-week camping trip! Tons of hilarity, shenanigans and Robin bashing ensue
1. She Wants Us to do WHAT?

**Camping with the JLA**

 **Chapter 1**

"you want us to do WHAT?!" Black Mask asked angrily

"go camping, Roman. We haven't had a family trip since Dinah was born. C'mon Dinah really wants to do this. And besides, we've never done a family activity" Hippolyta says

"no. absolutely not, I forbid it" Black Mask growled, stomping his foot on the floor

 **Few seconds later…**

"oh goddamn it" Black Mask grumbled as he sat next to a snoring Mera and a chatty Livewire as he and the Leaguers were in their extremely huge mini-van, Black Canary fast asleep in her carseat, Hippolyta sitting next to her, and Two-Face and Hawkgirl in driver's seat and passenger seat

"ok, we're here. Everyone out and get your stuff" Two-Face ordered, Robin grunting in pain as Mera accidentally stepped on his potatoes

"shhh! Dinah's asleep" Hippolyta whispered softly, getting Dinah out of her carseat and hoisting her over her shoulder, getting Dinah's bag

"oh do us all a big favor and cut the umbilical cord" Batman growled, Two-Face shooting him an angry look

"ok guys me and Dinah will be sleeping in the child tent, the rest of you set up wherever you want" Hippolyta said, getting inside her tent as she zipped Dinah up into her Barney sleeping bag

"my girl's 1st camping trip. Mommy's so happy" Hippolyta said happily

"hey. Is everything ok?" Huntress asks, poking her head into Hippolyta's tent

"yeah. I just put Dinah down for her nap. Wanna sleep here tonight?" Hippolyta asks

"sure. I'd love to" Huntress says, getting her sleeping bag and stuffed animals

"Mommy? Is big sis Helena sleeping with us?" Dinah asks drowsily

"yes she is. Go back to sleep now, I'll wake you up soon" Hippolyta cooed, kissing Dinah on the head as Dinah yawned and fell fast asleep

"isn't Dinah a bit too big for that sleeping bag, Mom? We bought that for her when she was a baby" Diana griped

"Diana…" Hippolyta started

"ok Mom, never mind" Diana said, realizing she can never win an argument with her mother

"I hate it here. Bugs, vermin, owls, it's all disgusting" Roman complained

"oh hush Roman. Can't you hear Mother Nature singing to us?" Ivy said sexily

"yeah I hear her singing get out of my woods, get out of my woods" Black Mask chanted

"suck it up, suck it up, suck it up" Supergirl chanted teasingly

"ok, who wants to go fishing?" Two-Face asked, all dressed in fishing gear

"Ugh… ok Dad, I'll do it" Robin whined, putting on his life preserver as he and Two-Face got into the fishing boat

"that's my boy" Two-Face exclaimed happily, giving Batman a dirty look

"Hush! Zsasz! Can you two be Mama's little helpers and get some wood for the f-i-r-e?" Hippolyta asked

"FIIIIIRRRRRREEEEEE" Firefly roared, buzzing around with his handy-dandy flamethrower

"Mother! You told me we weren't gonna bring HIM with us" Helena moaned

"oh come on now sweetie, Garfield needs some time in the great outdoors" Helena remarked

"yeah but he shouldn't be turning it all into a blazing inferno" Hawkgirl moaned

"not to worry, I emptied all the fuel of his flamethrower" Booster Gold bragged

"uh-oh…" Hippolyta gasped

"he's not gonna be happy about that…" Helena warned

"he's behind me, isn't he?" Booster whimpered as a very, very, very, VERY angry Firefly hovered over him

"GIMME MY FUEL, YOU BLEEDIN WANKER" Firefly roared, chasing him down and around the woods

"don't worry amigos, I got this" Diablo said warmly, lighting up the firepit

"thank you very much Diablo" Hippolyta said

"de nada, senorita Hippolyta" Diablo replied in his native Latino accent

"I'm missing my annual Workaholics Anonymous meeting…" Roman complained

"well did you tell them you were gonna be out of town for 3 weeks?" Hippolyta asked

"WHAT?" everyone gasped

"you're…making us… stay… in the woods…for three… F*CKING…WEEKS?" Black Mask asked

"yes. Because to be fair, all of you have been inside far too long and we all need some time outdoors because hey, it's springtime" Hippolyta explained

"WOOHOO" everyone except Black Mask cheered


	2. JLA vs Wilderness

**Camping with the JLA**

 **Chapter 2**

"I cant believe you tricked me into going on this three week outdoor trip with you" Black Mask griped

"oh Roman, Roman, Roman; always the complainer aren't you? Well if the circumstances were different, you'd be in the mill, fending off tons of your revolting workers because of a certain paycheck decrease" Hippolyta reminded

"oh yeah… um, I'm sorry. That was… that was my bad" Black Mask apologized

"AAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" Robin shrieked, racing into the campsite with leeches on his chest

"For god's sake Tim, hold still" Two-Face grumbled, gently removing the leeches off of Robin

"there Timmy, all gone now" Zatanna crooned, using a spell to remove the leeches

"Ooohhh… I feel dizzy…" Robin said sluggishly

"here honey, drink this" Hippolyta said sweetly handing Robin a glass of water

"Mmmm… nice cool clear water" Robin sighed in ecstasy

"I'm bored" Supergirl pouted

"well why don't you and Alex go hiking?" Hippolyta offered

"but there's bees and all kinds of things out there. I'm scared" Supergirl whined

"don't worry baby sis, I'll keep you safe, ok?" Alex cooed, hugging Kara close as they walked off

"Roman, go with Kara and Alex and make sure Kara doesn't get hurt, will you, please?" Hippolyta asked

"sure thing. Hey wait up, you two, wait up for Uncle Roman" Black Mask hollered, rushing off after them

"Ahhhh… sure is nice to get away from it all ain't it Shayera?" Green Lantern asked

"you betcha it is John boy. By the way where's Kyle and Jade?" Hawkgirl asked

"we're here. Traffic was total f*cking hell" Kyle complained, he and Jade entering the campsite

"aww where's little Jaylee? I wanted to see my little granddaughter" Hippolyta whined

"Carol and the Star Sapphire Corps are babysitting her and the kids, Mom" Jade said

"oh good. By the way, did you make sure that Spoiler is contained in her cage?" Hippolyta asked

"yes we made sure. Plus Neron is here as well but the good news is Kate's got him on a leash" Jade added

"get this blasted collar off me at once, woman! Dost thou not know who I am?" Neron asked angrily

"you're gonna be roasted ectoplasmic marshmallows if you don't shut up and behave" Manhunter threatened

"Marshmallows?" Dinah asked, poking her head out of the tent

"no, not yet sweetie, figure of speech" Helena said, her and Dinah going back in the tent

"oh crap! I forgot to get the things for the s'mores" Hippolyta gasped

"oh great! NOW you tell us!" Two-Face bellowed

"um Hush, Zsasz, Jason, can you three do me a really big favor, run down to Safeway and get some groceries and some stuff for our s'mores?" Hippolyta asked

"it would be my pleasure, Your Majesty" Zsasz said eloquently

"Grrrr… crowbar…brain…crazy clown…" Red Hood gibbered, moving in his straitjacket

"come on Jason, let's see if there's a loony bin somewhere out here for you" Hush joked

"Tommy!" Sheila gasped

"I'm just kidding honey, jeez" Hush groaned, dragging a babbling Red Hood off

"we're back" Alex cheered, carrying a snoring Kara with Black Mask in tow

"aww… is my little Supergirl tired?" Hippolyta cooed, rubbing Kara's back

"yeah, she was getting pretty fussy during the hike. So I rocked her to sleep and… she passed right out" Alex said

"aww ok why don't you go put her down for the night?" Hippolyta asked softly

"ok, c'mon Kara, bedtime" Alex cooed, putting Supergirl in her sleeping bag for the night

"think she'll be up the whole night?" Linda asked Alex

"nah. Considering how she managed to stay up during monitor duty…" Alex said

"oh yeah, right" Linda said, taking a sip of her iced coffee

"Those lousy stinkin owls wouldn't stop peckin' on my suit" Black Mask griped

"oh no, you didn't shoot them, did you? Ohhh the poor things…" Hippolyta said

"you're damn right I shot 'em! There should be a law for huntin' and baggin' those things" Black Mask said

"well I'm hoping you didn't shoot the baby owls…" Diana said

"nah, they're ok. It's the mama and papa owls that concern me…" Black Mask said

"you remember that old saying; you be nice to them, they'll be nice to you" Robin said

"oh for God's sake Tim, we don't need your stupid hippie Boy Scouts crap" Black Mask griped

"ooh! Little owlet eggs, just for me" Firefly exclaimed gleefully

"Garfield Prince, you put those owl eggs back right now or you're grounded until summer starts" Hippolyta ordered

"y-yes Mother" Firefly gulped, flying off

"that was a good call, Mom" Diana said

"thank you honey. We should all love and respect Mother Earth's creatures" Hippolyta said

"except the leeches" Robin whimpered in pain

"aww when we get home Timmy, I'll give you a bath and clean up all your wounds" Hippolyta cooed, rubbing Robin's back

"oh by the way Tim, I got you these sex ed books for school. Ms. Nesbitt wants you to memorize all of them" Black Mask said

"DAD! What are you doing?" Robin asked, horrified

"well Tim, you're a big boy now and your father and I have been talking and we think it's time we had the talk" Hippolyta said

"….what?" Robin asked in a frightened high-pitched voice

"ok we're back and we got all the grub" Hush announced, he, Zsasz and Red Hood walking back into the campsite

"good job, boys! Did Jason behave himself?" Hippolyta asked

"if by behaving himself, you mean chewing his way through nine sets of restraints, foaming at the mouth and babbling incoherent nonsense, then yes, he behaved himself" Hush said

"good! Here, Jason, here's a Snickers bar" Hippolyta said, Red Hood devouring the whole thing in one bite

"uh… there's something wrong with him. I think he may not be human" Two-Face said to Hippolyta

"Harvey, we've been through this before; he's just… well, he's… he's just mentally ill" Hippolyta said

"and considering how many psychiatrists, psychologists, therapists and the numerous doctors we had to bring into the house, you still wont accept the fact that he needs to be committed?" Black Mask asked

"uh, guys, it's getting kinda late. Is it dinnertime yet?" Alex asked

"oh my goodness, yes it is!" Hippolyta gasped in realization

 **One campfire dinner later…**

"wow, isn't it lovely out?" Alex asked as Kara snored softly on her lap

"yup, it sure is. And not a single firefly in the sky…" Jade said before gasping at what she just said

"YEEE-HAAAAAAWWWW" Firefly hollered, cruising through the night sky, dragging Booster Gold with him

"Fireflyyyyyy! Please slow dowwwnnnn!" Booster whined, trying to hold in the bile overflowing

"some things never change, do they?" Hippolyta said in amusement

"yup" Black Mask said, taking a swig of his beer


	3. Ascension into Divinity

**Camping with the JLA**

 **Chapter 3: Ascension into Divinity**

"Ok kiddies, who wants to hear some scary stories?" Two-Face asked

"Nuh-uh, not me" Dinah whimpered, chattering her teeth

"Awww, is wittle Dinah afraid?" Lois teased playfully

"Lois, be nice to your little sister" Hippolyta scolded

"ok Mom, can't I ever have some fun?" Lois asked, Dinah sticking out her tongue

"I got an idea; how about we sing a campfire song?" Jade asked

"great idea, Jade!" Hippolyta exclaimed

Kyle:

 **Listen to that howling mob of blockheads in the street**

 **A trick or two with lepers and the whole town's on its feet**

JLA:

 **He is dangerous**

JLA Girls:

 **Jesus Christ Superstar**

JLA:

 **He is dangerous**

JLA Girls:

 **Tell us that you're who they say you are**

Supergirl:

 **That man is in town right now to whip up some support**

Alex:

 **A rabble-rousing mission that I think we must abort**

JLA:

 **He is dangerous**

JLA Girls:

 **Jesus Christ Superstar**

JLA:

 **He is dangerous**

Hush:

 **Look Caiaphas, they're right outside our yard**

Mr. Zsasz:

 **Quick Caiaphas, go call the Roman guard**

Hippolyta:

 **No wait! We need a more permanent solution to our problem**

Kyle:

 **What then to do about Jesus of Nazareth?**

 **Miracle, wonder man, hero of fools?**

Supergirl:

 **No riots, no armies, no fighting, no slogans?**

"Ok time for bed everyone" Hippolyta announced

 **In Kara's and Alex's tent…**

Alex placed her pillow over her head as Supergirl snored extremely loudly

"Hera please, please make her sleep more quietly…" Alex pleaded

Supergirl then placed her thumb in her mouth and sucked on it as she slept

"thank you" Alex sighed in relief, looking at her younger sister before going to bed

 **In Jade's and Kyle's tent…**

"Jade, I really do wish you wouldn't use your perfume before bed" Kyle griped

"oh suck it up Kyle darling. I like my beauty sleep" Jade retorted

 **In Hush's and Sheila's tent…**

"Tommy?" Sheila asked

"yes, dear?" Hush asked

"why is Zsasz in our tent?" Sheila asked as Zsasz was eyeing her weirdly

"because, he's my brother" Hush answered

"oh" Sheila said, going to bed

"…did you look at her butt?" Zsasz finally asked as soon as Sheila was asleep

"…shut up" Hush snarled

 **In Black Mask's and Killer Croc's tent…**

"Jones, for the last time, put that damn grill out! It's gonna burn the damn campsite" Black Mask complained

"don't worry mon frere, Diablo just did it, man" Croc said in his smooth Cajun accent

"…you are just so free with yourself" Black Mask grumbled, laying down

…

"…what the hey was that supposed to mean?" Croc asked the camera

 **In Dick's and Amy's tent…**

THIS SCENE HAS BEEN EDITED OUT BY FANFICTION CENSORS

 **In Neron's and Kate's tent…**

Kate was sound asleep, snoring softly with her right arm around her stuffed teddy bear, her left hand holding the leash to Neron's collar as Neron listened to Kate's even breathing and her snoring. Across from where Kate was sleeping were the keys to his collar. Seeing that Kate was fast asleep and that the keys were by her pillow, Neron spotted an opportunity to free himself. Kate gurgled in her sleep, licked her lips and snored. Quietly as a wood mouse, Neron moved to the keys as Kate slept. Kate then stirred and closed her eyes, hugging her bear close, smiling innocently as she dreamed happily. Just as he reached the keys, he felt a gun being pressed to his head. "Mmm…drop the keys Neron…mmm, you don't wanna wake me up from my dreams…" Kate mumbled, yawning as she turned on her side and snored some more, Neron snapping his fingers in defeat as his master snored and dreamed. Unbeknownst to Neron, Kate smiled lewdly in her sleep as she dreamed of fooling around with her soon to be wife Cameron Chase

 **The next morning…**

"oh my, what a lovely morning" Supergirl exclaimed as Alex fed her breakfast

"wow, it's very lovely. It would've been even nicer if **someone** didn't shoot the rooster after he crowed" Diana said, glaring at Black Mask

"oh gimme a break Di, he was asking for it. He should've cocked before he…" Black Mask started before forgetting the punchline in disgust

"morning everyone" Kate said cheerfully, dressed in her adventure hiking outfit

"morning sweetie. You're just in time for breakfast" Hippolyta cheered

"why the hell does it smell like brimstone and ash?" John asked

"oh, I think **this** is the answer" Kate said, giving the chain rope a yank, out came Neron crashing facedown on the grass

"morning, sunshine" Kate teased as the devil got up and hissed his forked tongue angrily at his captor

"you should be grateful I don't attack you here and now" Neron hissed, stumbling to get up, Kate rolling her eyes as she helped her prisoner up

 **Later…**

After breakfast, Kate retreated to her tent to take a nap before their hike. Neron tiptoed in to see Kate sleeping on her sleeping bag, snoring loudly with a smile on her face. What Neron noticed were Neron's collar keys tied around the neck of Kate's bear. Neron sighed in disgust, knowing how angelic Kate looked when she's sleeping and that he wouldn't dare to bother her while she was napping. Neron noticed Kate wasn't zipped up in her sleeping bag and worried that she might get cold. Neron gently crafted a warm satin red blanket and draped it over Kate, gently tucking her in. Kate smiled happily as she continued snoring. Neron then knelt by her and gently kissed her cheek

"mmm…I love you Mom…" Kate moaned in her sleep, dreaming of Hippolyta. A happy tear poured down Neron's face as Kate dreamed. Neron then gently pulled the brown locks of hair off from Kate's face as she snored. Kate woke up and looked around her tent noticing the blanket over her. Kate sighed knowingly

"Neron…" Kate said to herself, yawning as she drifted back to sleep, hugging her teddy bear as she snored and dreamed

After a while, Kate awoke from her nap, refreshed and wide awake. Kate decided to keep her red satin blanket as a keepsake before getting dressed. Kate then got out of her tent and found Neron sitting by the fire, playing a harmonica

"hey" Kate said

"ah good morning. I trust you slept well?" Neron asked

"yeah. I had a good snooze. Why'd you give me that red blanket?" Kate asked

"because…I noticed you were cold" Neron said truthfully

"oh. Well, thank you. It's really cozy" Kate admitted

"Katherine…there's something I should tell you. You're too…um, what's the word, you're too…" Neron started

"too uptight?" Kate asked

"yes of course. That's exactly it, thank you! I have a spell for you that'll awaken your innocent inhibitions, to be pure of heart, be free, be of gentle and beauty. You miss that part of your life. You miss dressing up with your sisters. You miss having your room decorated with your stuffed animals" Neron said, Kate actually sobbing

"oh I'm so sorry, do forgive me my dear" Neron said

"it's ok…Mommy…she…she thinks I'm too grown up. I wanna be her little girl again. She used to call me Little Katie when I was a little girl. She called me cute feminine names, she took me to ballet class, she…she opened the whole world to me" Kate said, feeling a magical change over her

"oh…oh…" Kate gasped, realizing she was wearing a bright pink frilly dress, her long brown hair now pigtails with pink strings, cute black booties, long pink socks

"Katie!" Hippolyta exclaimed

"Mommy" Katie cheered, rushing into Hippolyta's arms, sobbing

"Shhh…there, there Katie…it's ok sweetheart…shhhh, it's ok…shhh" Hippolyta said soothingly as Kate sucked her thumb for comfort

"Neron…" Hippolyta said, looking at the demon prince as Kate put herself to sleep with her thumb

"yes, Your Majesty?" Neron asked, worried that what he did may have incurred her mother's wrath

"thank you" Hippolyta said

"…I beg your pardon?" Neron asked, confused

"thank you for giving me my little Katherine back. I missed her so much. Now that my baby girl's back to me…I feel so happy. I thank you for this Neron. And I'm sorry. I misjudged you. You are more of a man than a monster" Hippolyta said as Neron smiled warmly, his teeth no longer fanged but now pearly white

"well…you're welcome Your Highness" Neron said kindly as Hippolyta cradled Kate in her arms

"Congratulations Neron" Hippolyta said warmly, making a gesture with her hand. All at once, Neron's manacles and chains disappeared, his collar dissolved. He was finally free!

"Your Majesty, I have a request I wish to make…" Neron asked, kneeling before Hippolyta as Kate continued sleeping

"name it Prince Neron. Because of you regaining your humanity, you may have whatever your heart desires" Hippolyta said kindly

"I…I wish to be with Katherine. I…I love her. During our time, I've developed a…care for her. She represents what is left of my human soul. Now…she has awakened it. I don't want to be separated from her. These chains…they keep me close to her, like the bonds of love and compassion" Neron said

"very well Prince Neron" Hippolyta said, kissing Neron on the forehead as his collar reappeared, this time in a gold celestial form, his manacles and chains made in a more divine holy color

"mmm?" Kate asked, waking up, taking her thumb out of her mouth

"Kate sweetie, do you wanna stay with Neron?" Hippolyta asked kindly

"yes. Yes I do…as my brother" Kate said, giving him a hug

"Roman! Kids! Come see this" Hippolyta announced, everyone getting out of their tents to see the bounty hunter and her bounty bonding

"aww…" everyone awed as Neron hugged her back, his eyes now blue and his hellish robes gone and replaced with a celestial white robe


End file.
